It's August 2022, and I'm questioning a lot of things. Or maybe I'm just a bit burnt out and tired because of the cumulative effects of the year that changed everything. ..( and I'm not talking about the year Star Wars came out) I mean the sh*t storm that was 2020. As I zombie-like stare at a glowing screen that with rapid flicks of my finger show me beautiful art, process videos for things I will never be able to make, delicious vegan dishes made in minutes, animal rescues and Korean drama fan content, a tiny voice in my head asks me if I even remember what I used to do with the swathes of time I'm currently wasting on social media. Was my head quieter? Was I more productive? did I have less fomo? I cant seem to recall.
But what I do realize is that social media and especially instagram has been both a boon (especially to an artist like me, holed up in her studio, virtually unknown) and a curse. My whole existence feels performative. Like all my actions and daily life are a performance that only will mean something or be fun if I've captured said moments and posted about them. A beautiful shaft of light on my sleeping dog. click. a weird looking bug. click. my cup of tea and sandwich. click. met an old friend. click. tag. made a thing. click, record. edit. find music. hashtag. struggle. get frustrated. share. be disappointed at the tiny stir it made.
I'm beginning to feel tired of it all. I'm also always grappling with the 'grid'. Grid forbid I should post random things with different lighting and subject matter. My feed on instagram wont look coherent and people will judge both me and my art for being all over the place. And so I restrain myself from saying what I feel or showing what I feel for fear of the 1 second glance at my page that should deliver a precise idea to a first time visitor about who I am. My calling card so to speak. All of this is of course arbitrary and untrue and I occasionally rebel against it, but then other times follow these unwritten rules.
So my solution to my current angst is to take a little time away from the constant input that is social media. I want to wake up and have a clear and blank mind unpopulated with painting techniques, a variety of subjects and media that ALL appeal to me, cats and deep dives into the lives of Hyun Bin and Son Ye Jin. I want to create what I want to create because I'm listening to that voice inside me. ( that voice lives somewhere under my rib cage to the left I think) I want to share what I want to share and ramble on like this without any concern for doing it 'right'. Or to check if anyone is watching. So I am planning to blog instead for a little bit.
In this blog I want to ramble on about my thoughts, my life, my day, my art, my dog and anything I fancy really. I want to share the art as I make it. Messy, ugly, beautiful. Somedays teacups, somedays patterns, abstract, representational....all messy and jumbled up like my real life actually feels.
So here goes. My experiment with less input. more output. Here's some sketches I made yesterday. I'm always drawn to teacups and tea, patterns and stitches. So this is all the loves coming together. Did them on these square sheets of paper I had, using markers. As I get more comfortable with this format, I hope to share more of my process, thoughts, sketches, projects and videos of me telling you behind the scenes stuff.
While I take some time away from the socials and try and find myself, I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't care if you read this or not. I'd love for you to swing by and read and comment. I want to have more meaningful conversations and be real and know that I have some friendly faces out there reading my random thoughts and experiences and watching my art without judgement or expectation. So hello and welcome and I'm excited that you came and hope we can have some fun here!